December 30, 2009

Welcome to the Real World

After a little more than a year, my mom has left Hyderabad and I am gonna be living alone again.  As I was coming back from the railway station I started thinking about how things are going to be from now onwards.

I like using a bike for my travels than a car.  I hate air-conditioned buses and trains.  When I am inside them, I feel like an animal inside a cage, completely separated from the "real world".  On a bike it's different: I am in the real world.  I can feel the wind, I can feel the sun; there isn't anything between me and the world.

Managing/maintaining a house is a lot of work.  Countless small small things to be taken care of pop up from nowhere.  When I live with my mom, she takes care of many things for me.  But now, I have to do everything by myself.  When there is no water at home I have to go get it.  Every week I have to get my laundry done, otherwise I will soon run out of clothes to wear.  If I don't make any plans for my meals I'd have to stay hungry.  And so on.  For me, this feels like being in the real world.  Nothing goes unnoticed.  I have to work to earn every single necessity or comfort.  I like real world!

One other thing about living alone is freedom.  Quite often I'd take the bike and leave home.  After getting on the road only I'd start thinking where I can go.  When there's someone else living with me, I can't do that.  I have to say in advance where I am going and when they can expect my return.  This freedom, freedom to defer thinking about my plans till the last moment, is something I love to have.

And there are certain "weird" things I'd do if I am alone.  Like, sitting under the street light and reading a novel at 2 o' clock in the night.  I can do this when my mom is with me; but having to tell her before getting out of the house (in the middle of her sleep) is something I will never want to do.  Now I am free to do crazy things of this sort.

And there's more to it.  2010 for me starts in a "real world".  Going to be fun :)

December 22, 2009

Random Thoughts: Life ain't a courtroom

When something bitter happens between me and another person, I say to myself "Life is not a courtroom."  Until today, I could interpret this in only one way: there is no point in finding out whose fault it is.  If a relationship has a problem it's the problem of everyone involved in the relationship.  There's no point in isolating one person and blaming them.

Today, as I was thinking about it I found a different interpretation of the same phrase.  A courtroom is a place where judgments are given in a "fair" way.  At least, they make an effort to be fair when they try and judge.  However, life is not like that.  People would judge without no or very little trial and analysis.

Random Thoughts: Language

I believe that everyone has their own language and their own religion.  In this post, I am gonna talk only about language.

If you have ever seriously discussed anything with me, you might already know that I look at things from a different viewpoint than the mythical "common person."  When I say something, my friends usually find it hard to agree with it; but after I explain what I really mean, most of the times they say "Oh you're talking about that!  Yeah, maybe you're right, but I don't care about that (and it's useless to think about all that)."

I once told a friend that she respects other people.  In my usage "respect" has a completely different meaning than what she understands by the same word.  She disagreed, and thought I could never understand her.  Being the adamant kid I am, I like to stick to the meaning I give to that word.  It makes communication a little hard, I agree; but I try to compress more meaning into one word, and such a compression helps me think easier.

I heard Gautama Buddha invented Pali language for his teachings because he didn't want to use any existing language as that would lead to confusion: he wanted to use new words and a new language because all he was talking were new ideas.  I am, I like to think, doing pretty much the same: but I reuse words from languages I know.  It makes sense to me for now at least, because philosophy is an area where you travel alone.  Well, not exactly.  You need people to talk to: people who don't agree with your ideas.  Telling your ideas to people is the way you learn your own ideas.   But the learning and seeking is a task you do alone.  And the discoveries are your own personal discoveries.  Like Hesse says in Siddhartha: wisdom cannot be passed from one person to another.

I feel shy to read what I have just said: I am saying that I'm doing what Buddha did!  Well, to think of it in a different way, saying "I play cricket" and "I am Sachin" are two completely different things.  I am doing what Buddha did, but at my own levels with my own abilities.  He sought understanding and wisdom and so am I.  Until a few days back I wouldn't have accepted it if someone called me a philosopher: but today, I think I am a philosopher.  A philosopher who doesn't have a philosophy yet.  Although formulating a set of philosophies is definitely not the goal I am working towards.

December 21, 2009

Random Thoughts: Mirrors

Everything and everyone is a mirror.  We know it when we have the appropriate vision.

Random Thoughts: Avoiding people

Having to avoid someone you like is bad.  What's worse?  Them not even recognising or caring that you avoid them.

Random Thoughts: Love and hate

You may like a person or hate them.  There's nothing wrong in it.  You don't even need a reason: if you don't have one, don't bother to find one.  Only thing that you probably should keep in mind is that every coin has two sides.

December 16, 2009

Leaving ASAP

I misplaced my self-respect.
Here, in this very room.
I'll leave as soon as I find it.

While I am still here,
Let me remind you, oh my love,
How badly I want to be your slave!

December 13, 2009

Fake friend

Rosy's toy collection was pretty small.  She had a plastic bottle and a small plastic box.  Every day she would fill her bottle with water.  In the plastic box she had some salt.  For months, these were her only toys.  She would make a different story every day with salt and water.  She will empty the water bottle when the game ends, but she will keep the salt in its box.  Salt is a closer friend to her than water, she thought, and she was loyal to her friend.

One day, a neighbouring brat ran his bicycle over her salt box and the box broke.  Thankfully, most of the salt remained in the box.  Rosy cried her heart out for a few minutes.  But no one came to help, so she had to console herself and find a way to fix the broken toy.

Her inspection of the salt box revealed that it might be possible to repair the box with Quick Fix.  But for that, the box had to emptied.  Rosy didn't have a spare box to keep the salt in.  After a little thinking, she decided she would put the salt into the water bottle while the box is being repaired.  So she dumped the remaining salt into water and ran into her house to fix the box.

It was a lot of work, but Rosy had fixed the box without anyone's help.  Her friend Salt would be proud of her for her accomplishment.  And it will be happy for having such a caring friend.  She ran to the water bottle only to see that the salt had ran away from her.  She can't believe a friend whom she loved so much, and cared for so much can just run away for no reason.  In fact, she was going out of her way to protect the same friend when the friend betrayed her and ran away.  This made her extremely angry and sad at the same time.

That was Rosy's first encounter with fake friends.  Since then she's been seeing so many that she is not much surprised when she finds a friend to be fake.  Although she is very sick and tired of meeting fake people again and again.

December 11, 2009

Prayer



As we all hope, dear god, show us some light!

December 09, 2009

Random Thoughts: Life - 2

A friend of mine said 'Life is music, listen to its rhythm.'  I said, 'Life is a music player, and it comes with a Pause button.'

Every morning before you start your day, ask yourself: 'Have I still left it paused?'

Random thoughts: Annoyance

If someone irritates you once, maybe it's her fault.  If she irritates you again and again it's most likely to be your fault.  Think before you blame her.

December 02, 2009

Right is not an option



Sometimes, going right is not an option.