21 Oct 2014

I'm a puppet

It's unbelievable how much my spirit depends on external events. Hearing good news makes me happy; hearing bad news makes me unhappy. Not in a shallow way, but in a deep, uncontrollable way.

Back when I was a kid, I remember reading stuff like "a yogi is someone who can be alone in crowd, and can be amidst people when alone". I understood what that meant at an exterior, shallow level. But when I see myself dancing to the tunes of external events, I realise how qualitatively different being a yogi is. I also see clearly how I'm nowhere close to being one.

Back in the days, when I read about the concepts of yoga, enlightenment, etc. I would think that I'm so close to attaining all that. Deep down I would know I don't even know what those words really mean, but I'd suppress that awareness with my desire to attain those ideals. But today, I see I'm way outside the league. I don't have much desire to attain any of it either. Now, I'm just amazed how much of a puppet I really am. Nothing more.

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