3 Nov 2008


Certain things are just plain hard. You think you know and understand it. It looks so simple. But when you actually try to do it and give it a deep thought you realise how hard it is. Surrender is one such thing. "Only if you have absolute freedom you can surrender," I read in an Osho's book and then only I realised surrender is not an easy joke. For a few months now, I have been kinda going crazy about "acceptance". Fat people should accept what they are and shouldn't be always worried about their weight. Poor people shouldn't worry about money and they should accept to live with what they have. So I thought. And said to myself that I will not worry for whatever I am or whatever I am not. I was with my family last week, and my father took me with him to a temple. I was fighting with myself then -- something I didn't like had happened and I was unable to stand the pain. A few years back I had stopped praying, so I just stood in the temple without praying. And the pain was too much to bear. At one point, I lost my grip and involuntarily asked god "why don't you give me the strength and courage to accept myself as I am?" I said this twice or thrice without thinking and walked to the next deity. This is when something dawned inside me -- when I want to become courageous and strong enough to accept the truth, I don't really remain what I am! Accepting the truth is just accepting everything. Including pains. Now I was just complaining about the pains of being myself. Then I stopped praying. Now that I am aware of my ignorance about acceptance, I won't anymore try to accept what I am. Maybe this awareness will motivate to me understand acceptance better.

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