August 11, 2010

A respect hungry mind

I am one of those people who want/need/expect to be respected.  From my conversations with my friends in the past I know that I use the word "respect" to mean something very different than what many people think.  I'll first make an attempt to explain how I define respect.  Respect is respecting as a human being; treating as a living thing; believing that a person is important; believing that what they say is important (at least for that person).

I get really pissed when people don't respect me.  I expect all my friends to respect me.  Especially when the relationship is not going great.  I messaged a friend last night and haven't gotten any response whatsoever till now.  And that's eating my head since morning.  Our relationship never was smooth and it's rough as I write this.  (Although that friend might think otherwise.)  So, in this relationship my expectation to be respected is a little high and that person just doesn't stand up to it.

A part of my mind says only I am to be blamed if I am not happy.  Another part of my mind wants to call that friend and say how bad I feel.  And the first part tells the second part that I just shouldn't be bothered about this whole thing and move on with things that matter.  After all, spending one's energy on hopeless things doesn't make any sense at all.

One important thing is to learn how to respond to that friend next time when I face her and how much value I really give to that friendship.  Maybe I am valuing that friendship a little too much now.

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