Knee story continued

3 weeks after I broke my knee, I realised I couldn't bend my leg at all.  The physiotherapist said that it was because I hadn't moved my leg or used my knee for 3 weeks continuously.  The knee just won't move or bend and I have to do some physiotherapy exercises to slowly make the knee functional again.  It's kinda funny -- A joint that had been functional for about 9450 days was kept idle for just 21 days and it became completely dysfunctional!

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My mom used to work as a nurse.  I have seen people being so affectionate to her.  Some patients, when they leave the hospital after being treated for a few weeks, would gift her something.  "You took care of my son so well.  Today he is doing good and we are going home.  Please accept this as a token of our appreciation and love," they would say.  Now, I see this physiotherapist perform his magic on my leg.  Every day my leg gets better -- it bends a little further or my leg can do something it wasn't able to do.  I can't express that happiness in words -- seeing your body starting to work again is an experience of its own kind.  Now I think I can completely empathize with all those people who loved my mom.  Guess I love this physiotherapist like they all loved my mom! :)

Blind bird

Love is a dark forest.
Walking the woods in dark,
I tried to find the boundaries.

One wise man said
The forest was like our mind.
As vast or as little as we think.

I saw a blind bird pecking grains.
It knows wheat from rice -- but
Can it spell out the difference?

When this fine woman woke me up
I realised I had been sleeping.
And she fed me ripe fruits.

I saw the most beautiful flower.
It was her face.
She spoke words of honey.

I can't leave her ever, I knew.
I gave up my quest, and
Surrendered between her bosoms.

Now I understood the wise man.
And I saw how the blind bird sees.
And I knew love!

Freedom

The police put handcuffs around my hands. And the handcuff was on for 3 days. Then they let me go. I went home and chose the next handcuffs. I am a free man now.  I can choose my own handcuffs!

Lessons learned

This accident has taught me a few things:

• At least in India, you can't live alone at all.  When some incident like this happens, everyone asks you "who is with you?"  Hospitals may not even admit you to be hospitalized, if you are alone (I think).
  
• Even if you are asking someone in your immediate family, it's not easy to ask "Will you give me your blood for my surgery?"
• You put load on any of your bone for more than a few days continuously, that bone gets weaker and weaker.  I was lying down on the bed for 4 days and my back hurt.  I used to support myself with my elbows.  In a few days I couldn't even keep my elbows on the bed!
  
• Human body is a very complex system.  Each part performs so many other things than what meets eyes.
• When old people (and sick people) say the food you cooked tastes terrible, don't take it as a complaint.  Due to their physical conditions, they cannot find the real taste of any food.  Be kind to them.
  
• As I always use to think, people are good, in general.
• There is a reason behind having "visiting hours" in hospitals.
• People visiting you at the hospital make you feel very good.  Especially when they are joking and laughing with you.
• Don't try to surprise a bed-ridden patient by surprise visits; the patient might surprise you instead.  And it may not be a pleasant experience for the patient.
• If you are bed-ridden for a month or more, everyone would tell you to "use the break to its fullest" by watching movies and reading books.  It sounds nice to hear all that you can do with the time you have.  But the doctors ask you to be on bed for a reason -- mostly you will be spending time taking care of your body and you'll hardly find time for other activities.
• My English professor once said that nature is slow and hence learning is also a slow process.  So is healing, I think.  When you are a patient, you have to have lots of patience.  No disease or wound heals overnight.
• Even if you are an adult, in your mother's eyes you are still a kid.  This is one such time when you realise it and be thankful for it.
• It's better to have insurance but not need it, than to need insurance but not have it.  (I must thank my company for my medical insurace.)

Steering control is no rocket science

I remember the day I got my first car driving training.  Before I sat on the driver seat, I was thinking "No big deal man.  You hold the steering wheel straight.  You look at the road and the car, you very well know if the car is on the correct lane going straight.  It's not rocket science."  So I thought, until the trainer asked me to sit behind the steering wheel.

When I was driving the car, I had no control over the car's direction.  I was looking at the road and said to myself "Oh, the car is going towards left" and I turned the vehicle to right-hand side.  The instructor promptly set the steering wheel back to its original angle and said "Why are you turning to right on a straight road?"  It was surprising how such an easy and obvious thing can be so hard!  Of course, steering control is no rocket science and I learned it in a few days.  But it took a few days to get used to.

Last week my doctor said, "You have to sit near the bed's edge as if you are sitting on a chair and move your leg like this".  And he showed me how to move my leg.  It involved a slight movement of my broken knee.  Today I am supposed to start that exercise.  So I went to the edge of the bed and let my leg hang on the edge.  Awww... sudden shock of pain.  I lay down on the bed and rested for a few minutes.

This time, I said I'd do it slowly.  After moving every few inches of my leg I stopped and relaxed for a second.  And finally, there I was, with my whole leg off the bed!  Now I am supposed to move my leg up-and-down using my knee joint.  I try and try and try.  My knee and my leg both don't move at all.  After a few attempts, I could move my leg one inch!  Wow!  Before I could do it again, I became super-tired and went back to rest.  I had never thought moving my own leg could be this hard!

Hmm... Everything in life needs practice it seems.  What all other things I practiced when I was a kid, I don't know.  But for now, like people say, patience is a virtue I guess :)

Pain can sometimes be maddening

When you are in intolerable pain and you have no way to cure or reduce it, your mind thinks all sorts of crap:

• I will never do a hit-and-run.  Ever!
• Would that van driver even know that he hit me?
• Can he imagine I'm going through this hell?
• Why can't I just sleep tonight and wake up completely alright tomorrow?
• Why some wounds take so much time to cure?  Why can't they cure fast?

I was thinking all this on the 4th night from my accident.

Traffic!

Umm, well.  I am gonna complain in this post.  Complain others for something that happened.

Exactly two weeks back I had a road accident, in which, a van driver who is not skilled enough to overtake, hit me and I broke my leg.  I know it's lame to blame only the van driver for the accident, but anyways...

For those who can't possibly imagine what kind of traffic is in my city, here is a sample.  Enjoy! :)

Purpose of life

From an old chat conversation between me and a friend:

me: I have one big question in front of me

  I need an answer

  that's all I am searching for right now

  the question is: "what am I supposed to with this life?"

From Alan Watts' Out of Your Mind (Disc 3):

There was a great Zen master, I knew once, in New York.  He was giving a lecture one evening.  He was lecturing on a sutra and he said "Fundamental principle in Buddhism is 'no purpose'.  When you drop fart, you don't say, at 9 o' clock I dropped fart.  It happened of itself."

Maybe I got my answer? :)